How to get a nice wife

How to get a nice wife
Do read this................................
There are times in a person's life when he needs to take crucial
decisions on his own. Marriage is one of them. Believe me, the
decision on whom to marry is the most important decision a
person will make in his life. After marriage, your wife is the
most important person in your life. She can make or break your
life. The mere thought of this is very frightening.
Some of the questions that crop up are –
a.. What sort of a girl do I marry?
b.. Will she adjust in my family?
c.. How can I decide on a girl by just meeting her for a few
times?
d.. When should I get married?
e.. This is my life. So, I should choose the girl I marry, but then
what if I make a mistake? .. so on and so forth.
I will try to address these & many more questions in the
following sections.
The Nine Rules of Arranged marriage
Rule 1 - Magic no. 28
In an ideal scenario, a girl goes to college at the age of 18. By
the time she graduates, goes for her post graduation and/ or
works for 1-2 years, she will be about 23- 24. This means that
she has spent about 5 years away from her home. In the 5
years period, she would meet many smart guys at college or
during her first few years on job. So, in all probability it would
be difficult to find a good girl older than 24 yrs. Secondly, in
Indian families there is lot of pressure on the girl's to get
married by the time they become 24-25.
Statistics says that there is a generation gap after every 5
years. So, in such scenario, one would prefer to marry a girl
who is about 3-4 years younger to you. Thus, working
backwards, an ideal age for a guy to get married is by 28.
Earlier the marriage, the better it is.
Well, as we all know, in the current market scenario, there will
never be stability in our career. So, I believe there is no such
thing as, "I will marry when I settle down".
Rule 2 -- Subset of marriage-able girls
At times you hear statements like, "I am not getting the right
match, I will look after 3 months, I will find a better match
then". Well the truth is otherwise. The subset of unmarried girl
looking for a match is fixed. From this subset, there would be
girls who would get married & there would be new girls added
who would be looking for a match. The net result is that at any
given time, the variety & number of marriage-able girls are
fixed.
Rule 3 - Competition for girls
Like all other facets of life, there is lot of competition for good
girls. So, if you are looking for a girl who is post graduate, done
her Engg, is working, very beautiful, smart, from a good family
etc. etc, just think again. There are other guys who are also
looking for similar girls & probably they are better off than you
in terms of career, looks personality etc. Given a choice every
guy would like to marry Aishwarya Rai. So, set your
expectations accordingly.
Rule 4 -- Understanding girls
You would have met a lot of people during your life. As we all
know, its difficult to judge a person based on a few meetings. I
am sure you would agree with me that in case of girls it is even
more difficult to understand them in a few meetings. I know
people who are still trying to understand their wife. ;-)..
Understanding your spouse is a life long assignment. So, then
how do you select a girl based on a few meeting? This is where
you need to take the help of your parents/ friends & latest
technologies like email/chat to choose your girl.
Rule 5 - Society expectation
The selection process is tough on every one who is involved in
the process. In arranged marriage, involvement of family &
society is pretty high. You can't meet a girl 3-4 times & then
say no to her. It is bad for her future. So, you should have a
good short-listing criterion. Meet only a few girls & be sure
what you are looking for. It is for the benefit of everyone
involved.
Rule 6 -- Marriage between equals
Unlike love marriage, in arranged marriage you also marry into
the girl's family. In arranged marriages, family support plays a
major role in ensuring a successful marriage. This is where the
compatibility of social status, family values & caste/religion
plays a major role. Its important to note that in case there is a
perfect match between the two families, the marriage is
destined to succeed.
Rule 7 - Know yourself
Unlike love marriage, in arranged marriage you first marry a
person & then fall in love. So, it's very important that you do a
self-assessment on the kind of person you would love. They
say, "Opposite attract", while they also say, "Bird of same
feather flock together". So, you take a call on what sort of
person you like. Take a pen & paper; write down the kind of
attributes you are looking for in a girl. Say, she should ideally
have the looks of Sonia, the style of Monica, the voice of
Sheena, the patience of Rashmi. You will certainly not find the
perfect girl, but then you would have a good idea of what you
are looking for. The secret here is to set some minimum criteria
for selection. Don't forget rule no.3 here.
Rule 8 -- Girl's Beauty
A girl's looks attract, but then no one wants to end up marrying
a dumb It is like buying your bike. When you initially buy it,
you are crazy about the looks, but later on you love it for its
reliability, fuel economy & comfort level. Similarly, a girl's looks
are important, but then it should not be the most important
criteria. Later on in life, you will get bored of her looks. It is
then that her personality & behavior will make all the
difference to your marriage. I am sure your parents will be able
to advice you a lot better on this topic.
Rule 9 -- Taking advice
As I have mentioned in the next rule, it's very important that
the final decision on whom to marry must necessarily be yours.
However, don't do the mistake of isolating yourself from the
world while planning your marriage. Discuss with your parents
& very close friends on this issue. They are your well wishers.
Secondly, in such important matters its necessary that you
analyze all possibilities. Remember, I am not suggesting that
you follow others' advice, but don't forget to take their advice.
Rule 10 -- Own decision
All said & done, it's your marriage & your life that is at stake.
Once you are married, you & your wife are the only persons
who will be facing the music. Don't marry a girl just because
your parents or friends asked you to do so. After marriage, if
things don't work out & you end up saying, "It's because of my
friends or my parents that I married you", then your marriage
is destined for disaster. If the girl is of your choice, it is you
who will be responsible for whatever happens. That's when the
marriage works out perfectly. So, ensure that you marry the
girl of your choice.
How to approach the selection process?
From the day, a person decides to get married; the selection
process takes a minimum of 3 months. The whole process
needs a lot of patience & commitment. The ideal steps to be
followed are:
a.. Definition phase –
Define the minimum criteria for the kind of life partner you are
looking for in terms of education, physical appearance, social
status, family values, future career plans. Remember the Rule 3
here.
b.. Lead Generation phase –
Place ads in various newspapers, magazines, websites, through
friends, family friends, family societies & association etc. You
need to exhaust all possible means of getting bio-datas at one
go. Remember the Rule 2 here.
c.. Short listing phase –
Based on your selection criteria, short-list the interesting biodatas.
The general process followed for correspondence is as
follows:
1. The initiator sends a one page profile of himself/herself.
2. Based on the profile, the receiver sends his/her one page
profile along with request for detailed profile, photo,
horoscope.
3. The initiator then sends the requested information along
with a request for similar information.
4. The receiver send similar information.
5. If the bio-data is selected, it is passed over to the next
phase.
A.. Casual interaction phase –
Based on short listing, about 7 to 10 bio-datas are taken
forwarded to this phase. The next step to follow here is to
exchange email/ chat ids. The guy & the girl then interact for
10 - 15 days to try & judge mutual compatibility through
email/chat.
B.. Family interaction phase –
Based on the earlier phase, about 5 leads are taken for
consideration in this phase. During this phase, the parents get
involved & check the background information about the
families to find mutual compatibility.
C.. The dating phase –
Based on the earlier phase about 3 leads are taken forward to
this phase. During this phase, the guy & the girl interact by
going out alone for 2-3 times. The guy needs to prepare a set of
simple questions like who is your favorite star, what are your
hobbies? He needs to use his judgment to analyze the girl
based on her responses.
D.. The D-day phase –
Finally, the D-day comes when the guy has to select the girl he
wants to spend his life with. If the process if followed
systematically, there will be no ambiguity in deciding who
should be your life partner.
Finally, my dear friends, marriage is all about compromises. In
spite of all the planning that you do, there are a lot of
uncertainties in a marriage. In fact this is the best part about
marriage. Just remember that the person you marry must be of
your choice. In such case, there would be no going back for
both of you.
A few words of advice: To make your marriage a success; just
believe in the age-old virtue, "Never do anything to others that
you don't like for yourself".